What if
by KuroNekoShoujo
Summary: Oneshot. Set after the last chapter of "Worth". Yuda reflects back on his conversation with Ruka in the library, and wonders...


**Hi y'all!! Neko-chan here! Now, you're all probably wondering what the hell I'm doing publishing a one-shot story when I'm in the middle of writing "Strength". Well, my reasoning is this. It's 12:30 am, I have insomnia, and I suddenly developed this incredible urge to write a Yuda/Shin fic. Don't know why, but I figured, what the hell? Might as well. And thus you have this fic. So, I hope you all like it, and please, review and tell me what you think!!**

**Just so y'all know, this fic takes place right after the last chapter of "Worth", and follows Yuda's thoughts on his conversation with Ruka in the library.**

**Warning: There is much bishie x bishie romance here, as well as some vague mentions of rape. No like, no read.**

**Disclaimer: Still don't own the bishies, so please don't sue me. I am naught but a poor wannabe author. T_T**

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Yuda sighed as he steadily made his way from the library down one of the many moonlit corridors towards his chamber. Though he had no idea what time it was, he knew it was late enough that most of the occupants of Heaven's Palace would have long since lost themselves in a world of dreams.

The leader of the Saint Beasts wanted nothing more than to do the same himself. It had been a long and emotionally draining day for all of them. For Yuda, the day had been physically exhausting as well, as he had been forced to expend more energy healing Rei's numerous injuries than was probably wise, but all the same, it couldn't be helped. Yuda was not about to let the delicate angel suffer anymore than he already had, especially knowing that the longer Rei was in pain, the more Ruka would suffer as well.

Unfortunately, much as the crimson-haired angel desired sleep, he knew he would not attain it any time soon. Not with the information he had gathered from his earlier exchange with Ruka weighing so heavily on his mind.

Really, just thinking about what his friend had revealed to him made Yuda clench his fists in fury. What he had known of Rei's ordeal before had been horrifying enough, but finally learning of the true extent of the fragile angel's trauma...

It was enough to make Yuda's blood boil. To think that anyone, let alone a fellow angel, would try to do something so...disgusting, so violating, to one as pure and innocent as Rei...

Yuda had definitely meant what he'd said. When Ruka finally tracked down that bastard, Stheno, Yuda would take the utmost pleasure in causing the son of a bitch more pain and suffering than any being, human, angel, or demon, had ever known.

Though, if Yuda was to be honest with himself, he had to admit that the knowledge of Stheno's evil was not the only thing that placed a heavy burden on his heart. No, it was, in truth, something Ruka had said that had shaken the normally unshakable angel the most.

_Ruka trailed off for a minute, seeming to reign in his anger, before he said softly, "Yuda, just imagine if it were Shin. If Shin were the one who came home bloody and broken. If Shin were the one who had those terrible lashes on his back. And if you were the one who had to live with the knowledge that you hadn't been there to protect him."_

Yuda could not seem to get those words out of his head. What if it had been Shin? What would Yuda have done? Would he have been strong enough to be there for him, to comfort him, as Ruka had Rei? Or would he have let his guilt and rage consume him?

However, worse than the doubts Ruka's words conjured up, were the images. Images the crimson-haired angel desperately wanted to banish from his mind, but could not seem to, no matter how hard he tried. Images of Shin's face and body covered in those dark purple bruises. Shin's back a bloodied mess, his flesh ripped and torn away by a cruel whip. And Shin...being held down against his will, screaming and crying, begging and pleading, as someone tried to...

_No!_ Yuda thought vehemently, finally succeeding in ripping himself out of his thoughts. He would not think like that. He _could_ not think like that. Not if he wanted to keep his sanity.

It was with mild surprise that Yuda realized he had stopped walking. Finally focusing on what was ahead of him, the leader of the Saint Beasts realized that he had already reached his destination, and was standing in front of the heavy oak door that led to his chamber.

Quietly laughing at his own inattentiveness, Yuda silently entered his bed chamber, soundlessly closing the door behind him.

Yuda felt a great deal of tension leave his body as he looked around his room. He didn't know what it was, but something about his private chambers always made him feel so at ease. Maybe it was the way the moonlight filtered in through the large, glass windows, bathing the room in a silvery glow. Or maybe it was the way the wind from the open balcony door blew and caressed the gauzy curtains surrounding the windows, causing them to move and ripple like water.

Then again, maybe it was the deep, gentle breathing coming from the beautiful, lithe figure in his bed.

Yuda couldn't suppress the soft smile that came to his face as he watched Shin sleep. The smaller angel lay on his back, his head tilted away from Yuda and his arms resting on his pillow on either side of his head. His beautiful, aqua colored hair had been freed from its usual ribbon and lay fanned out beneath him on the pillow, and the pale skin of his slender waist and chest lay exposed where the sheet had slipped down. To Yuda, a more beautiful sight never existed.

Yuda and Shin had begun sharing a room, and a bed, some time ago, though this was by no means common knowledge among the other Saint Beasts. The only other people who were aware of this arrangement, besides Yuda and Shin themselves, were Ruka and Rei, due to the close relationship between the four of them. Really, Yuda shuddered to think of what would happen if a certain blonde, cat-like angel found out about their sleeping arrangements. Neither Yuda nor Shin would ever hear the end of it.

Quietly, so as not to disturb his sleeping beauty, Yuda walked around to the other side of the bed and rid himself of his angelic robes. He then lifted the sheet and carefully slipped into bed beside Shin.

Shin moaned softly when he felt the bed shift and blearily opened his eyes. He smiled dreamily at the sight of his lover lying next to him. "Mmm...Yuda?"

Yuda smiled again at the sound of Shin's tired voice. Even colored with sleep, that voice was still the most melodic sound he had ever heard. "I'm sorry, Shin. Did I wake you?" The crimson-haired angel asked, tenderly brushing his lips against his love's forehead.

Shin sighed in contentment as Yuda slid an arm beneath his waist and pulled him closer, so that his head was resting on the larger angel's arm. "Yes, but I don't mind. In fact, I'm glad you did," the aqua-haired said sleepily, resting his hand against Yuda's broad chest and falling back into slumber almost instantly.

Yuda just silently watched his lovely angel sleep for what felt like hours. He knew that, in the morning, they would all have to face the reality of what had been done to one of their own, and they would all have to figure out where to go from here. Yuda was also very keenly aware that those doubts, those images, those 'what ifs' that Ruka's words had created in him still lurked in the back of his mind.

But when he was cradling the most important thing in his life, his very reason for living, in his arms, watching him sleep, feeling him breath, _knowing_ that he was alive and safe, Yuda couldn't help but feel that everything, in his world at least, was as it should be.

He had Shin, his angel, his love, and that was all he would ever need.

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**Ok, so there you have it! My first Yuda/Shin fic!! So what did you think? Good? Bad? Completely sucky? Please please PLEASE let me know in a review!!! I really liked this fic, but like I said, it's 12:30 am, so I'd like just about anything right now. I NEED feedback!! Please!!**

**Btw, I am working on the next chapter of "Strength", but I have no freakin' clue when it will be done. It shouldn't be too long, though!!**

**Ta ta for now!**

**~Neko-chan~**


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